Dear Working Mom, Sincerely Stay At Home Mom| #thestaufferhome |

Dear working mother,

You’re standing across the room looking at me with a death stare while telling the person next to you how amazing I have it. You inform them that my house is immaculate and my child is just perfect. You both comment on how well rested I look and how well put together I am.

I notice as I walk towards your group you get real hushed voices and look down. I engage in conversation and the whole time I feel like a failure. You talk about how rough your work week has been and that your laundry is piled up so you can’t go out this weekend….wait for it… “I’m sure your laundry is always done, folded and put away by the time your husband gets home from work..” There it is you are assuming again and will all know what that does for us. I just kindly say “oh, not hardly.” You respond with “yeah right you are home all day every day your house is spotless and your laundry perfectly folded in its place.” What I don’t tell you is how hard you hurt me. I wish you would just slap me in the face and keep your mouth shut rather than hear the things you said.

If you’d ever come to my house and I wish you would… You would see my house isn’t immaculate, my floors are unswept with a sticky spit bigger than Idaho, the laundry is overflowing, the dishes are piling, the bed isn’t made, the toilets are atrocious, there is a cobweb over the sink, the kitchen table is covered and my hair looks as if it hasn’t been washed in two days…because it hasn’t.

I may be home all day everyday but when you sit down at your desk to type up that new contract I am fighting a baby over nap time while trying to get just one load of laundry washed, dried, and maybe just maybe if the baby stays down that load will get folded and put away.

A few minutes has passed since we last spoke and your group starts telling me how lucky I am to be able to stay home. “It must be nice to workout every day, no wonder your skinny” “How many hours do you get to spend at the gym?” well actually if you must know I don’t make it to the gym most days. Most of my workouts are the ones you see on pinterest, being done at home while my husband is at the gym or at work himself. Then I am lucky if I get a shower in the next 36 hours let alone a wink of sleep.

I want you to understand that everything that you experienced in the 6 weeks of maternity leave is NOT how life as a stay at home mom works. In those first six to eight you have endorphins running through your body along with adrenaline and what I like to call the new mom high. You are so in love with the precious little bundle of joy that nothing matters. It doesn’t matter what your house looks like when everyone stops by to see your new baby. It doesn’t matter that your hair isn’t done, that you have no make up on, and that you are probably wearing the same yoga pants from the day before. It is acceptable because you just pushed a 5-10lb baby out the parts nobody wants to think of at the moment. It’s acceptable because you are probably changing your diaper as many times as you are changing the babies diaper.

However, at this point you have started counting down the days that you return to work. I am sure it is a hard time for you. I can’t imagine leaving my child for a few hours to run errands let alone dropping him off for the entire day. I know that you struggle with this, I do. At the same time I envy you too. I wish that it didn’t give me an anxiety attack leaving my child for ten minutes. I wish I had the strength to let him stay with someone for a few hours.  Okay here is where I hopefully open your eyes to what happens once you return to work.

Now that you have returned to work I am still at home every day and it is no longer acceptable to be in yoga pants 24/7, it is no longer acceptable to let the dishes pile, the laundry set in the basket for days. Your baby needs you from the time you get up to the time you go to bed. He wants to be held, he needs a diaper, he needs a bottle…..and right as you get that load of laundry started he needs to be held, he needs a diaper, he needs a bottle… and by this time you have long forgotten about that load of laundry that you put in the wash.

So, yes to answer your questions my life is wonderful and I love, absolutely LOVE my job. I am a mom 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. The grass will always be greener on the other side of the fence and I know that my life just looks wonderful as a stay at home mom and it trully is but that does NOT mean my house is clean, my laundry is done, I hit the gym daily, my hair is never done, and 99% of the time that load of laundry was washed three times, dried a handful of times, and it probably set on my table or couch for a few days before it got folded and put away…if it ever made it to the closet.

The reason I look so put together when you see me is because it is the ONLY day I have a reason to put on my make up, do my hair, spritz that perfume and put on my skinny jeans. I honestly don’t know why you aren’t in yoga pants and a messy bun as it is your ONLY day to not have to put on your face and hair.

Neither of us are better than the other we just live different lives. My point in this is that we ARE both mothers. We both have jobs that are important. You provide for your family by leaving the house every day. I provide for my family by taking care of our son and the house every day. Why talk bad about the other? Why put the other down? It isn’t all rainbows and sunshine being a stay at home mom. It has it’s mondays, a lot more mondays than Fridays. I just hope that this will help you appreciate the little things about being a working mom that you haven’t noticed before.

You are a GREAT mother. You are doing what is BEST for YOUR child. However, you are NOT better than me and I am NOT better than you.


a tired stay at home mom


33 thoughts on “Dear Working Mom, Sincerely Stay At Home Mom| #thestaufferhome |

  1. Robin Rue (@massholemommy) says:

    It’s tough because people feel strongly one way or the other about working versus staying home. I stay home and sometimes I am envious of the working moms who get to escape to work every day.


  2. Kelly says:

    This is such a great post. I can definitely relate as a SAHM too. Moms have the toughest jobs no matter what they’re working situation is and I think you’re doing an amazing job!


  3. Penny Struebig says:

    Wow. I was a working mom and never looked down on the stay at home moms. The funny thing is — I always felt like the stay at home moms were judging me harshly for having to work. Your last sentence is great — we all try to be the best moms we can be.


    • thestaufferhome says:

      I am striving to not make my working moms feel that way. I can’t win for losing with a few of them. I offer to include their children, pick them up twice a week anything to help… Yes we are all moms and doing the best we can!


  4. Samantha Angell says:

    This is a really great post. I don’t have any kids, but always love reading posts like this so I can better understand what mothers go through and be more sympathetic. One of my friends has a 2.5 year old and now a 3 month old, and I try to go to her house once a week just to hang out, hold the baby, and let her shower/do laundry/etc- I’ve heard how tough it can be!


  5. Heather says:

    I love this post and shared it on my FB page because it sums up what I feel like sometimes when I’m at PTO with other moms who think I have all the time I the world to take on all the school’s projects. Truth is, with childcare costs, I can’t afford to work. We are all trying to do our best to make ends meet so weather you work or weather you don’t, it shouldn’t matter as long as You love and nourish your child.


  6. getmuddie says:

    I’m not a mom, but I was a pre-school teacher for 3 years. It’s amazing to me the capacity that people have to judge each other. I wonder what those harsh minded ladies would think if you asked them what they thought the people who were caring for their children were doing all day while they are at work. My mom was a working mom so that’s the lifestyle I’m familiar with, but you said it so well in your closing remark. You’re all doing what’s best for your families.


  7. Michelle Hwee says:

    I love this post! I never doubt the power or work that stay at home moms do. I know its a lot of work really, taking care of the house, the kids and such. I actually praise them because I know how hard it can really be. Working or stay at home, moms have a difficult job but the most rewarding part is having a loving family with kids that love them dearly! Excellently written post!


  8. Fi Ní Neachtáin says:

    This was a great post and so true. I’m a SAHM and I always feel as though I am looked down upon by friends of mine who work, I always get the impression that they think I sit on my ass all day and do nothing, they don’t realise I am looking after another human being whilst trying to get the most simplest of everyday tasks done – these can take up to an hour at a time depending on if my child is co-operating with me or not. You’re totally right, no mother is better than another, we are all just trying to do what we can to ensure our children are happy, healthy and well looked after in life.


  9. Myrabev says:

    I can not even begin to imagine what it’s like to be a stay at home mum but I think you do more than those you get to go to the office because you have the entire house to do, the baby to look after and then the work. Well done you for this post.


  10. Hannah Staveley says:

    I work part-time and have two kids and one is disabled I have to say I am struggling and feel that I am a rubbish mum as was in the shops the other day and everyone looking at me as my son would not go into his buddy I could of died .


  11. Olivia Douglass says:

    I work full time outside of the home, blog and am finishing my last semester of my MBA! This article is so encouraging to me, I never feel like there is enough time in the day! I write this as a 3 month old is sleeping on my chest haha!


  12. Catherine S says:

    I was a stay at home mom until I went back to work part-time when my son turned 4. Being a mom is a hard job regardless if you work outside the home. When I stayed home I did more chores around the house. Now that we both work we split them.


  13. Jessica @ Sprinkle Some Sugar says:

    I love this post so much being a stay at home mom. It’s so true that not only working moms, but EVERYONE assumes that we just sit around all day in perfect peace while our children play quietly in the corner. I really have huge respect for working moms because like you, it would be so hard to leave my child. Thanks for sharing this!!


  14. michele d says:

    This is a wonderful post that supports any SAHM. I’ve been on both sides during many times in my life and nether is easy. Being a mom is a hard job and neither opportunities are better than the other.


  15. Krystal's Kitsch says:

    I’m a mix of both. I work at home. I stay at home with my son some days. It is hard to juggle everything. If it wasn’t for my husband or part time daycare, I wouldn’t get ANYTHING done. And… you just reminded me I have towels in the washer. Ack!


  16. Joyful Gifts by Julie says:

    My son is 16 now and I have worked at home at least part-time his entire life and I love it. It’s not a big deal anymore, but the thing that used to tick me off the most was when moms (and dads) think since you work at home that you are the neighborhood chauffeur. They thought I did nothing basically and that I lived my life at free will to tote their kids around. Even though it was a bunch of bull, I did it a lot because I knew their kids more than they did and I still do. A lot of them call me and my husband Mom and Dad. When your in the car with a bunch of kids and you just let them talk. Let me tell you, you get to know them all really well. I’m glad I know all these kids well and had a fun time with them laughing and crying everyday. I may have less money now than they do, but I’m much better off for getting to know these great kids.


  17. Victoria says:

    This is an interesting post. I do not feel as though working moms or stay at home moms have it easier. Both, are tiring and come with pros and cons. I am a work at home mom and I do not feel as though I have it harder than those who simply stay at home and take care of the kids or those who go and work out of the home. Each mom has her own unique benefits and challenges that come with their positions. Just “moms” in general have a tiring job.


  18. Cherri Megasko says:

    Excellent letter! My daughter is a stay-at-home mom of two. One is 32 months and the baby is 12 months. She never gets a moment to herself. She’s lucky if she gets to sleep until 6:30 or to bed before 11:00. And just about every waking moment she is working … even folding laundry while watching TV – that’s if she even gets to watch TV.


  19. The Trophy WifeStyle says:

    Awesome post!!!! I can relate to this 100%!!! I feel even dads kinda hate on moms for being able to stay home too… When my daughter was first born my hubby pretty much thought I must sit around all day so he would text me ridiculous list of favors he needed done…. Well when he would get home and none done…. He would be shocked… It wasn’t until he go sick a few months later and was home for a week to see what I actually do everyday…. And honestly ever since he’s changed his whole attitude and now knows my job at home is just as crazy as his…. And thanks me for all that I do! Wish working moms could have a peek into our lives so they could see that we don’t have it any easier. We just don’t have to leave the house for our work 😉


  20. Risa says:

    Luckily I have never had anyone try to tell me I have it easy. As we speak right now, I am trying to visit some blogs while my 1 year old who only took a 30 minute nap is trying to grab the mouse. I managed to sneak in a shower after vacuuming, but I didn’t get the laundry put away. That may be all I get done today as my 2 year old will probably be up in about an hour. So I definitely know what you mean!


  21. Yona Williams says:

    Ahhh…I enjoyed reading your post, and you made good points – why aren’t they chilling out on their day off? I do not have any kiddos of my own, but I see similariaties between work-at-home moms vs. working moms AND being self-employed vs. going to an office. Some are envious of how I earn a living because I get to stay home at work in my pajamas, sleep in, sneak in my favorite TV show when I want, and enjoy flexible hours. However, there are low points…like that doubled self-employment tax (boo), fighting distractions, sitting in a chair all day, shaky job security, no insurance or paid leave from a boss, and dealing with people who call or bother you throughtout the day because they think they can because you work at home.


  22. Rayveniael says:

    This is such an impacting article having been on both sides of the fence. I wish more mothers realized that the grass is always greener on the other side, and while one wants to be a SAHM, another mom is struggling with being a SAHM. Great article.


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